Weekly Blog — Wives Submit to Your Husbands...
Well, we survived verse 22!
Yesterday we finally preached the passage in Ephesians 5:22 that many pastors treat like a live grenade with the pin already pulled.
“Wives, submit…” There. I typed it. Everybody still breathing?
Of course, if you were in worship, you know the sermon was not really about giving husbands a Bible verse to wave around the house. If anything, it was the opposite.
The more I sat with Ephesians 5 this week, the more convinced I became that this passage has often been made difficult not because Paul was unclear, but because we have a long history of reading it with the wrong spirit.
We have heard the word “submit” as control, when Paul frames it as Christlike service.
We have treated verse 22 like it stands alone, when Paul clearly begins with verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
That is the line I have not been able to shake.
Submit to one another.
Not because one person is worth more or that one person gets a throne and the other gets a folding chair. Not even because the loudest person in the house wins (that would be my little brother - grr) .
Paul says we submit to one another because of Jesus. That means submission is not first a marriage strategy. It is a discipleship issue. It is what love looks like when Christ is actually Lord of the relationship.
And honestly, that is where the passage gets uncomfortable for all of us, married or not.
It is easy to talk about submission in theory. It is harder when someone loads the dishwasher wrong. And yes, apparently there is a wrong way.
As I mentioned yesterday - I used to think the dishwasher was a marvelous appliance designed to receive dirty dishes, swallow soap, and perform miracles. After getting married - I learned that plates have direction, cups have assigned seating, and silverware must not be allowed to form little spooning communities in the basket. (seriously - she arranges everything perfectly symmetrical in the dishwasher...what bachelor knew?)
Yet, it turns out, I have my own little fiefdom too. My wife can come home from the grocery store and start putting things away, and suddenly I become the Minister of the Refrigerator. Milk here. Leftovers there. Cheese in its proper drawer. I do not know who ordained me to this office, but I do take the work seriously.
And maybe that is why this scripture this past Sunday matters.
Most of us do not mind serving people until their way interrupts our way. We do not mind helping until someone tells us how they would actually like to be helped. We do not mind loving until love asks us to adjust.
That is where relationships get real. That is where spiritual maturity moves out of the sanctuary and into the kitchen.
The more I think about it, the more I believe the smallest moments reveal the largest truths about us. Not because dishwashers and refrigerator shelves are eternal matters — though some of you may disagree — but because they expose who gets the final word in us.
Is it pride? Preference? Habit? Control? Or is it Christ? (hint - the right answer is always Jesus)
Christ gets the final word.
If husbands hear Ephesians 5 and think, “Good, now everyone has to do what I say,” they have missed Jesus entirely. Paul does not call husbands to domination. He calls them to cruciform love — love shaped like the cross. “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
That is not a loophole for power.
That is a call to sacrifice.
And if we widen the lens beyond marriage, the same truth still holds. Parents are called to love like that. Children are called to love like that. Friends are called to love like that. And - ahem - Church members are called to love like that.
The whole body of Christ is called to live under the pattern of Jesus, who did not use His power to protect Himself, but gave Himself for the good of others. That is why verse 21 matters so much.
It places all of us on the same ground.
Before Paul speaks to any one role in the household, he speaks to the whole household of faith. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Nobody gets to use this passage as a weapon. Nobody gets to demand what they themselves refuse to practice.
And let me be plain about something, because it needs to be plain. Any use of this passage to excuse cruelty, manipulation, intimidation, or abuse is a misuse of Scripture. Paul is not protecting pride. He is not baptizing control. He is teaching the church how to love like Jesus.
That is the part I hope we carry into this week.
Not just a better explanation of a difficult verse. Not just the ability to win an argument if someone brings up Ephesians 5 at Thanksgiving.
What I hope we carry is a different posture. A willingness to ask:
Those questions are not easy, but they are holy.
Because in the end, submission is not about disappearing. It is about love taking the lower place for the good of another. It is about the way of Jesus. God so loved that He gave. That is the pattern. That is the center. That is the correction to every twisted reading of this text.
So maybe this week, the work is simple.
Let someone else load the dishwasher. Or put the milk on the “wrong” shelf. Or speak without rushing to correct them. Or serve someone in the way that actually blesses them, not just in the way that makes sense to you. And when your pride rises up — and it will — ask Christ to have the final word.
For God so loved that He gave.
Read that a few times and let it sink in! Even God submitted!
Let’s pray.
Father, teach us to love the way Jesus loves.
Correct what is prideful in us, soften what is stubborn, and heal what has been wounded by misused words.
Help us submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and let Your love have the final word in our homes, our church, and our lives.
In Christ’s precious name we pray,
Amen.
Yesterday we finally preached the passage in Ephesians 5:22 that many pastors treat like a live grenade with the pin already pulled.
“Wives, submit…” There. I typed it. Everybody still breathing?
Of course, if you were in worship, you know the sermon was not really about giving husbands a Bible verse to wave around the house. If anything, it was the opposite.
The more I sat with Ephesians 5 this week, the more convinced I became that this passage has often been made difficult not because Paul was unclear, but because we have a long history of reading it with the wrong spirit.
We have heard the word “submit” as control, when Paul frames it as Christlike service.
We have treated verse 22 like it stands alone, when Paul clearly begins with verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
That is the line I have not been able to shake.
Submit to one another.
Not because one person is worth more or that one person gets a throne and the other gets a folding chair. Not even because the loudest person in the house wins (that would be my little brother - grr) .
Paul says we submit to one another because of Jesus. That means submission is not first a marriage strategy. It is a discipleship issue. It is what love looks like when Christ is actually Lord of the relationship.
And honestly, that is where the passage gets uncomfortable for all of us, married or not.
It is easy to talk about submission in theory. It is harder when someone loads the dishwasher wrong. And yes, apparently there is a wrong way.
As I mentioned yesterday - I used to think the dishwasher was a marvelous appliance designed to receive dirty dishes, swallow soap, and perform miracles. After getting married - I learned that plates have direction, cups have assigned seating, and silverware must not be allowed to form little spooning communities in the basket. (seriously - she arranges everything perfectly symmetrical in the dishwasher...what bachelor knew?)
Yet, it turns out, I have my own little fiefdom too. My wife can come home from the grocery store and start putting things away, and suddenly I become the Minister of the Refrigerator. Milk here. Leftovers there. Cheese in its proper drawer. I do not know who ordained me to this office, but I do take the work seriously.
And maybe that is why this scripture this past Sunday matters.
Most of us do not mind serving people until their way interrupts our way. We do not mind helping until someone tells us how they would actually like to be helped. We do not mind loving until love asks us to adjust.
That is where relationships get real. That is where spiritual maturity moves out of the sanctuary and into the kitchen.
The more I think about it, the more I believe the smallest moments reveal the largest truths about us. Not because dishwashers and refrigerator shelves are eternal matters — though some of you may disagree — but because they expose who gets the final word in us.
Is it pride? Preference? Habit? Control? Or is it Christ? (hint - the right answer is always Jesus)
Christ gets the final word.
If husbands hear Ephesians 5 and think, “Good, now everyone has to do what I say,” they have missed Jesus entirely. Paul does not call husbands to domination. He calls them to cruciform love — love shaped like the cross. “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
That is not a loophole for power.
That is a call to sacrifice.
And if we widen the lens beyond marriage, the same truth still holds. Parents are called to love like that. Children are called to love like that. Friends are called to love like that. And - ahem - Church members are called to love like that.
The whole body of Christ is called to live under the pattern of Jesus, who did not use His power to protect Himself, but gave Himself for the good of others. That is why verse 21 matters so much.
It places all of us on the same ground.
Before Paul speaks to any one role in the household, he speaks to the whole household of faith. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Nobody gets to use this passage as a weapon. Nobody gets to demand what they themselves refuse to practice.
And let me be plain about something, because it needs to be plain. Any use of this passage to excuse cruelty, manipulation, intimidation, or abuse is a misuse of Scripture. Paul is not protecting pride. He is not baptizing control. He is teaching the church how to love like Jesus.
That is the part I hope we carry into this week.
Not just a better explanation of a difficult verse. Not just the ability to win an argument if someone brings up Ephesians 5 at Thanksgiving.
What I hope we carry is a different posture. A willingness to ask:
“Where am I insisting on my own way?”
“Where am I calling it leadership when it is really control?”
“Where am I calling it strength when it is really stubbornness?”
“Where am I calling it service when it is really just helping on my terms?”
Those questions are not easy, but they are holy.
Because in the end, submission is not about disappearing. It is about love taking the lower place for the good of another. It is about the way of Jesus. God so loved that He gave. That is the pattern. That is the center. That is the correction to every twisted reading of this text.
So maybe this week, the work is simple.
Let someone else load the dishwasher. Or put the milk on the “wrong” shelf. Or speak without rushing to correct them. Or serve someone in the way that actually blesses them, not just in the way that makes sense to you. And when your pride rises up — and it will — ask Christ to have the final word.
For God so loved that He gave.
Read that a few times and let it sink in! Even God submitted!
Let’s pray.
Father, teach us to love the way Jesus loves.
Correct what is prideful in us, soften what is stubborn, and heal what has been wounded by misused words.
Help us submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and let Your love have the final word in our homes, our church, and our lives.
In Christ’s precious name we pray,
Amen.
Posted in Weekly Blog Post Sunday
No Comments